THE COUPLE AND FAMILY CLINIC
977 LAKEVIEW PKWY, SUITE 103
VERNON HILLS, IL 60061
(224) 513-5628
THE COST OF HEALING
“Grief will cause your hopes to be handcuffed.”
Rev. Dr. Freddie Haynes
Our culture does not offer us robust rituals for passage. We are often left to navigate transitions alone, without guidance or ceremony to mark the thresholds of our lives. But what is true—what is deeply human—is that passage is transition. It is the movement from what was into what will be. Yet, it is not merely a shift from past to future—it is a movement through the present, a space that is neither here nor there.
This in-between, this moment of now, often holds pain, sorrow, regret, and chaos. It is the space of grief.
Grief is not the past; it is not the future. It is like midnight—neither yesterday nor tomorrow, but simply the moment between. Midnight does not belong to the day before, and it does not yet carry the shape of the day to come. It is a moment of pause, of silence, of potential.
So, too, is grief. It is the sacred pause between what was and what is becoming.
In grief, we begin the journey of transition. And the first step in the new day—after the stillness of midnight—is to make meaning. To name what has been lost. To recognize what has changed. To hold space for what was never said. And to ask ourselves: What is my response to this loss?
Meaning does not arise from forgetting. It grows from the soil of remembrance, of reflection, of choosing how we will live in light of what has changed. Only then can we take the next steps forward—steps that lead us not just into the future, but into a life reshaped by love, loss, and meaning.
As you navigate loss, you will identify what can be reshaped by love and apply meaning. You will review what can’t be reclaim and mourn that loss. With each identified loss, you will notice that you have a choice, to hold space for what was never said, or to reshape the loss by learning and loving and then apply meaning. (The Cost of Healing, Dr. Peonita Harris).
